After we realized what was really going on, and where the Marines were really heading, it was hard to hide the fear -- from our husbands and each other. I remember reading a letter from him that documented their entrance into Iraq. Bear in mind, Iraq in 2004 was not remotely similar to present day Iraq. This is Iraq just after Operation Vigilant Resolve failed. For those unfamiliar, Vigilant Resolve was the preemptive effort made by coalition forces (including infantry Marines and Army) to stabilize the city of Fallujah after the American Blackwater contractors were brutally murdered and dismembered by an angry Fallujah-mob, and then strung from a bridge in the city. I say preemptive because the outcry from the American public seemed to have tied the hands of our government, we were not ready to go in when we did. We were not prepared. And that is ultimately why we failed. However, Fallujah had not seen the last of the infantry side of the United States Marines. A few months later and we called a rematch.
In this letter, Casey describes the eery feeling as their convoy crossed the border from Kuwait in Iraq. The orange-red glow and dusty horizon. He describes the ominous feeling their arrival has...and this is before anyone hears of Al-Fajr.
His first call home after entering Iraq was terrifying. The call quality was terrible, but better than when he was on the Essex (the Essex is a ship that is part of the 31st Marine Expeditionary Unit, which 1st BN, 3rd MAR was the main composition of during 2004-2005). In the background, I could hear some god awful noises, noises I didn't recognize. I asked him what was going on, and he indicated they take incoming fire everyday. That was what I was hearing. The last time, it was really loud. The phones cut out. I knew he was fine, deep down, but hearing incoming fire as I am talking to the love of my life was incredibly terrifying.
"The connection was so bad, and I couldn't talk at all during most of the call. How terrible it is when you say I love you and the person at the other end shouts back 'what?'"Despite how rough it was in the battle to begin with, there are always others who strive to make it worse for their peers. Because of the gossiping nature of...everyone, it was no secret to my love's comrades of our "issues." Much to my dismay, this seemed to prove fodder for certain immature ones. One Marine in particular really irritated me, going out of his way to be ridiculous to Casey and others (watching pornographic movies loudly in the hooch just to be obnoxious, etc.) and after their return, I gave this Marine the cold shoulder and did my very best to let him know what I thought of him. Ultimately, he apologized, several times, in drunken rhetoric and indicated he wished he had someone to write him and love him while he was suffering over there, in the way that Casey had with me. While it was vindication for myself (Casey is not the jealous or bitter type), it also made me painfully sad for Jonathan. I wondered how many others would've been better had they had love (even dysfunctional love) and someone who would do anything to get them home.
- JD Salinger
Going through old letters reminds me of so much. I just read a letter from Casey talking about one of the lance corporals in his platoon who he really liked back then. His name was Kaplan, and he suffered from anxiety like I do (mine is related to severe ADHD, which we didn't find out until a few years later, but anxiety is unfortunate in any case). Kaplan really helped Casey understand the frustrations and hardships associated with anxiety and how it can compound an already difficult situation. One day in November, out of the blue, Kaplan called me to chat. I forgot about the conversation completely, but now that I am reminded, he was such a great kid. I wonder how he's doing, post-Fallujah. A boy as nice as that is usually eaten alive by the Corps...
From Casey 20 November 2004 via USPS:
It is prayer time for the people over here. They pray five times a day over loud speakers at the mosques. It sounds really good when they sing. It is always really mellow and soothing. But the night of the attack, they were yelling and it sounded demonic. It was kind of scary. It was like world war III when we stormed through Fallujah. It was surely a once in a lifetime experience, and I am glad that it was a once lifetime kind of thing...
From Casey, 28 November 2004 via USPS:
I have to look at my watch to see what day of the week or month it is. All the days run together. I don't even know how long we have been out here. It's starting to come up on a month straight. We really have no word on when we are getting out of here. Only that it is soon. Hopefully. The days all run together, the only mental concept I have of time is whether the sun is up or down. I can't wait to come home. I just want to be with you.
